Hogsmeade: The Spirit of Christmas
by angelo4
Summary: It's Christmas in Hogsmeade and the Marauders get in a bit of trouble when they find Jesus Christ and Santa Claus fighting over the meaning of Christmas. Read and find out who is right between Mr. Kringle and the Messiah himself.


It's a South Park/HP crossover. sort of. Anyway, it's Christmas in Hogsmeade and two of the most famous Christmas icons have a fight over the real meaning of Christmas. Find out what will happen in. Hogsmeade: The Spirit of Christmas!  
  
Cast***  
  
The Marauders - The Boys  
  
Wormtail-Cartman  
  
Padfoot-Stan  
  
Prongs-Kyle  
  
Moony-Kenny  
  
And also starring  
  
Wendy-Lily  
  
Santa Claus as himself  
  
Jesus Christ as himself  
  
with a special appearance: Brian Boitano!  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
It was Christmas in Hogsmeade and not much of a change happened. It was snowy and blue, but hey! They still have Christmas.  
  
Kids: [singing] We wish you a Merry Christmas  
  
We wish you a Merry Christmas  
  
We wish you a Merry Christmas-  
  
Padfoot: Hey! Wait a minute!  
  
Prongs: What?  
  
Padfoot: Aren't you Jewish, Prongs?  
  
Prongs: Yeah I think so.  
  
Padfoot:[voice now rising] Dude, Jewish people don't celebrate Christmas!  
  
Prongs: What?!  
  
Padfoot: You're supposed to sing Hanukkah songs!  
  
Prongs: [starts to sing]  
  
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,  
  
I made you out of clay  
  
Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel-  
  
Padfoot: Ahh! That's a stupid song!  
  
Wormtail: Yeah, Hanukkah sucks!  
  
Prongs: Don't you oppress me, fat boy!  
  
Wormtail: DON'T CALL ME FAT, BUTT F***ER!!  
  
Prongs: Then don't belittle my people, you f***in' fat ass!  
  
Wormtail: GOD DAMN IT!!! Don't call me fat, you butt f***ing son of a bitch!  
  
Suddenly, the clouds began to part, and Jesus floats down from the sky.  
  
Prongs: What the-  
  
Moony mumbles fast to himself and tightens his hood.  
  
Jesus: BEHOLD! My glory.  
  
Padfoot: Holy shit! It's Jesus!  
  
Wormtail: [approaches Christ] What are you doing here in Hogsmeade, Jesus?  
  
Jesus: I come seeking. Retribution.  
  
Padfoot: Oh my God! He's come to kill you 'cause you're Jewish, Prongs!  
  
Prongs: OH F***! I'm sorry Jesus. Don't kill me!  
  
Jesus: Nay, fear not. I love all of my children.  
  
Prongs: Whew.  
  
Jesus: Tomorrow is my birthday. Yet all is not right.  
  
Padfoot: You're birthday is on Christmas? Oh, that sucks, Jesus dude.  
  
Jesus: I must find this place called "The Mall".  
  
Prongs: Well we can take you to the mall, Jesus dude!  
  
Padfoot: Yeah, it's over this way.  
  
They start to go when.  
  
Wormtail: GOD DAMN IT PRONGS!!! You stepped on my foot, you pig f***er!  
  
Padfoot: Dude, don't say pig f***er in front of Jesus. [he leaves]  
  
Wormtail: Eh, uhh, F*** YOU!  
  
Later that day, at the Mall.  
  
Padfoot: Here we are Jesus, Hogsmeade Mall. Who're you looking for anyway?  
  
Jesus: [points somewhere] Him!  
  
A fat dude in a Santa Claus suit is seen sitting in a chair with Lily.  
  
Santa: Ho ho ho ! We meet again Jesus.  
  
Jesus: You have blemished the meaning of Christmas for the last time Kringle!  
  
Santa: I bring happiness and joy to the children all over the world.  
  
Jesus: Christmas is for celebrating my birth.  
  
Santa: Christmas is for giving!  
  
Jesus: I'm here to put an end to your blasphemy!  
  
Santa: This time we finish it. [he stands flipping Lily to the floor. And then cocks his head to the right, ready to fight] There can only be one!  
  
Padfoot: Dude, this is pretty f***ed up right here!  
  
They begin to fight. Jesus pins Santa down but is thrown off.  
  
Kids: GO SANTA! [ Jesus looks up at them] Uhh, GO JESUS!!  
  
They fight in Mortal Combat style.  
  
Jesus: Chuck kwang do!  
  
A fireball grows in his hands and sends it to Santa.  
  
Santa: Wha-?  
  
Santa dodges the fireball, and it hit his post and the post falls over, killing three kids.  
  
Santa: Yoktuki!  
  
He throws some bluish flames but.  
  
Jesus: Whaoh!  
  
Jesus dodges the blue thingies and one of them goes straight for Moony.  
  
Moony: Hmmph!.  
  
It hit him in the head, and his head comes off of his neck and bounced straight towards a statue that tumbles down killing more kids.  
  
Prongs: OH MY GOD!!! They've killed Moony!  
  
Santa: Come on Jesus!  
  
Jesus: Come on! Come on!  
  
They both turn to the boys looking for a bit of help.  
  
Jesus: Boys, help me to put an end to him once and for all.  
  
Santa: No, boys, help me so I can put an end to him.  
  
Jesus: God is watching you boys! You know who to help.  
  
Santa: Padfoot, remember the choo-choo train when you were three?  
  
Jesus: I died for your sins. Don't forget that.  
  
Padfoot becomes desperate on trying to choose whom to help.  
  
Padfoot: [to Prongs] I don't know what to do, dude. Who should we help?  
  
Wormtail: I say we help Santa Claus.  
  
Prongs: Aw, you're just saying that 'cause he brings you candy!  
  
Wormtail: Hey! I don't need to take that kind of crap from a Jew.  
  
Prongs: You're such a fat f***, Wormtail, that when you walk down the street people go god DAMMIT that kid's a BIG FAT F***!!!  
  
Wormtail: Oh yeah? Well at least I'm not a p-. [Arguments ensues]  
  
Prongs: Shut up, fat ass!  
  
Jesus and Santa continue the fray while kids cheer on them.  
  
Santa: Screw you! [to Jesus]  
  
Prongs: I'm not the butt f***er here, Wormtail; you're the butt f***er!!!  
  
Santa: SCREW YOU! [to Jesus]  
  
Padfoot: Wait, wait, wait just a second. Now we've got to think here. What would Brian Boitano do?  
  
Wormtail: Yeah, what would Brian Boitano do?  
  
Brian Boitano skates into view amid a fanfare.  
  
Brian: Did someone say my name?  
  
Wormtail: Brian Boitano!  
  
Prongs: What an incredible irony!  
  
Wormtail: Yeah, it's Brian Boitano!  
  
Brain: What's going on here, kids?  
  
Padfoot: Okay, Brain? Who would you help out in a fight? Jesus or Santa Claus?  
  
Brain: Kids...you shouldn't think of things like that. This is the one time of year in which we all try to get along, no matter what we believe in. This is the season just to be good to each other. Bye-eee!  
  
Prongs: Yeah!  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Santa: C'mon lumber boy!  
  
Jesus: C'mon fat boy!  
  
Santa: C'mere!  
  
Jesus: C'mere! Come on!  
  
Padfoot: Hey, Jesus! You have to understand that Santa is keeping the spirit of your birthday alive by bringing happiness and joy.  
  
Prongs: Yeah. And Santa, you need to remember that if it weren't for Jesus, this day wouldn't even exist!  
  
Santa: You're right kids. I'm sorry Jesus.  
  
Jesus: No, no. It's me who should be sorry. I've been a right bastard. I'm sorry Kringle.  
  
Santa: Thank you boys.  
  
Jesus: Yeah, thank you boys. Come on, Kringle, I'll buy you an Orange Smoothie.  
  
Santa: oooo!  
  
Padfoot: Whew. That sucked.  
  
Prongs: Yeah, but just think. Today we actually met--we actually spoke-to "the" Brian Boitano.  
  
Padfoot: Yeah. And you know? I think I learned something today, it doesn't matter if you\'re Christian or Jewish or Atheist or Hindu. Christmas still is about one very important thing.  
  
Wormtail: Yeah! Ham!  
  
Padfoot: No not ham, you fat f***!  
  
Wormtail: F*** YOU!  
  
Padfoot: ...Christmas is about something much more important!  
  
Prongs: What?  
  
Padfoot: Presents!  
  
Prongs: Ah.  
  
Padfoot: Don't you see, Prongs?  
  
Prongs: What?  
  
Padfoot: Presents.  
  
Prongs: Hey man, if you're Jewish you get presents for eight days.  
  
Padfoot: WOW! Really?! Count me in!  
  
Wormtail: Yeah, I'll be a Jew too!  
  
Prongs: Jews aren't allowed to be that fat!  
  
Wormtail: F*** YOU!!!  
  
They leave singing Hanukkah songs.  
  
The End  
  
************************************************************* 


End file.
